“He Who Laughs, Lasts”–Youngman (1906-1998)

May 5, 2006

Allow me to pay tribute to a stand-up comedian famous for one-liners delivered in rapid-fire, Henny Youngman. Youngman usually plays violin as an interlude in his performances on stage. He was so much different from today’s stand-up comedians in that he had a generally inoffensive, friendly style. The following came from him. Thanks to funny2.com.

**Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, “Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami.” She said, “We can’t do that!” I told her, “You did it last week!”

**A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

**The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying “Mrs. Cohen, your check came back.” Mrs. Cohen answered “So did my arthritis!”

**The Doctor says “You’ll live to be 60!” “I AM 60!” “See, what did I tell you?”

**The patient says “Doctor, it hurts when I do this.” “Then don’t do that!”

**The doctor says to the patient, “Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window”. “What will that do?” asks the patient. The doctor says “I’m mad at my neighbor!”

**A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man’s chest. The man asks “Doc, how do I stand?” The doctor says “That’s what puzzles me!”

**”Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?” The doctor says “Limp!”

**A man goes to a psychiatrist “Nobody listen to me!” The doctor says “Next!”

**A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says “You’re crazy” The man says “I want a second opinion!” “Okay, you’re ugly too!”

**”Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears.” “Don’t answer!”

**Nurse: “Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office”. Doctor: “Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.”

**I know a guy who had his doctor say “take some weight off, go to a health club.” This man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

**A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The drunk says “Okay, let’s get started.”